My Makeup Routine
By Sophia Jiang
This is a satire article
Makeup can really be a hassle. However, I’ve got a quick and easy routine that uses alternative products, which guarantees a freshness that lasts the entire day. Here are the steps to my morning makeup routine:
Step 1. Apply the foundation
I usually just use some white house paint. It’s cheaper and I can buy it in bulk at Home Depot, so I’ve always got a lot leftover to use on the next day. Once you have your paint ready, you can use anything to rub it on your face. A brush, your hands, or even just dunking your face in the bucket will work just fine. Make sure that your entire face is covered, including the eyebrows. Oh yeah, remember to close your eyes.
Step 3. Apply the eyeshadow
Once the paint dries (should take about 10 hours), use a sharpie and color around your eye in a circular motion. Keep coloring until the circle reaches about 1 ½ inches in diameter, then do the same on the other eye.
Step 4. Apply the lipstick
I use condensed strawberry juice in place of lipstick, simply because it helps moisturize my lips. Take your index finger and scoop up a bit of the condensed strawberry juice. Then, spread it on your lips and make sure to extend the lines horizontally. This will give you a bit of an edge.
Spet 5. Dye your hair green
Once again, go to Home Depot and buy some green house paint. Then, rub the paint in your hair, and you will automatically have green hair.
Step 6. Wait another 10 hours to dry
Once you’re done, it should look a little something like this!
Some people say I look like that one guy from that one movie, but I honestly don’t see any similarities.