*DISCLAIMER: THIS IS A SATIRE ARTICLE*
The Conspiracy Theory club is a club focused on gathering people passionate about social justice and understanding our evil corrupt government. It is held every second Thursday except if the next day is a Friday during lunch in the cafeteria.
We discuss different conspiracy theories, from old classics such as the Illuminati and 911 holographic plane crash to Chuck E Cheese reusing their pizza and Bigfoot. We will fight the government for TRYING to deceive us. Moon Landing? Fake. Round earth? Lies. Climate change? It’s just a phase. Vaccination? 100% effective, but that’s not the point. We plan our meetings to trespass property and expose whether the conspiracy theories are true or not.
Members get the chance to participate in fundraisers to raise money to donate for raids in different places all over the world. We have won Nationals for the National Conspiracy Theory Challenge (NCTC)—where you submit your own conspiracy theory and it’s judged based on credibility— every year for the past 14 years as we are the only school that participates in the NCTC. Students also get to interact with people within our community and save lives on a constant basis.
We have produced many successful heroes, like arguably our most famous alumni, Edgar Welch. Brandishing his sword of righteous justice while clutching his moral compass in a sweaty palm, he bravely traversed through the pizza store, in search of those poor poor children. Alas, although there were no children, his courageousness is admired by all men and worshiped by every member of our club. Some may say he went to jail, but so did Rosa Parks, so did Alice Paul, so did Nelson Mandela, so did all of the bravest heroes on this flat earth.
If you like educating people about your opinion, our club is always looking for more members and it’s open to anybody to join anytime on a Christmas. Stay safe, wash your hands because you’re not nasty, and stand up for what is right even if you stand alone because we will stand with you.
By Amy Yao