How To Prepare For AP Exams (Satire)

Ah yes, AP exam season, when over three million people across the nation pivot their focus to exceeding their expectations for their May assessments. There’s a possibility that you, the reader, will be taking one or more this following month! Not sure how to thoroughly prepare? Don’t worry – this article is here to provide you with four exceptional tips for you to get ready!


1.) Make sure you get NO sleep on the day prior to your exam.


This may be new information to you, but sleep can in fact erase all of your memory! If you’ve been strenuously preparing, the last thing you would want to obstruct your success of getting a high score of 1 on the exam is for sleep to instantly make all of your knowledge disappear. Pull an all-nighter and walk into the exam room with your brain feeling as if it’s capable of the impossible.


2.) DON’T eat anything for breakfast on the morning of your exam.


Pretty self-explanatory, right? Based on the laws of physics, food would inevitably travel up towards your brain and suddenly halt the ability for you to think and perform well! You would be insane to think that breakfast would help. Cellular respiration? Glucose from food being stored in your body and breaking down to provide you energy? What a bunch of baloney! Enter the exam without a grain of food in your system. You don’t want what you ate for breakfast to be the only thing you’re thinking of when reading those questions!


3.) Buy review books, but DON’T look at them


Go to your local Barnes & Nobles & purchase a couple of AP exam review books, such as Barron’s and the Princeton Review. They’re great books to study from that consist of rich review content that you learned from class. But wait, did you really think that you were going to do the problems in the book? Nope, all you have to do is grip the sides of the book, close your eyes and ~all~ of the information will be transferred to your brain. Never heard of this technique? Well, now you have! Don’t bother to do any of the problems, as you will be drained to the core.


4.) Throw away ALL of your class material.


Due to the fast pace of all AP classes, a never ending amount of handouts will be distributed out to you. By the time it’s near AP exam season, a pile of sheets will be stacked on your desk full of problems of every chapter you covered. It’s  a waste of space that will deter you from reviewing for the exams. To solve this problem, just pick up the nearest recycling bin and toss them in there!


Now that you have read the complete guide to succeeding on your AP exams, you are set on the path to reaching that outstanding 1!


By – Joylyn G.

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