Satire

Jay’s Juvenile Jaybird Jailed for Jaywalking

A jaybird named Jayden Jason, owned by principal Jay Affeldt, was caught just yesterday jaywalking across Junction Rd. A police officer spotted Jayden in the act as the jocund jaybird made the not-so-judicious decision to jaywalk, despite there being a crosswalk not 50 feet away. Matters were rapidly complicated as Jayden, a jocose joker by nature, attempted to smooth talk his way out of a ticket. The young jaybird, jutting out his jawline and acting unjustifiably jaunty, attempted to impress the officer with a witty story of why he was jaywalking, telling of a jealous bluejay in desperate need of a DJ, and a failed jalopy Jetta. Jabbering on, Jayden wove an increasingly preposterous story that included fetching jewels for a junkie jackdaw, a judgemental, jowly jacksnipe, and an oddly jeopardous game of Jenga that ended with a jazzy, yet journalistic jynx that won a juicy sum of money. The officer, at first jovial, grew weary of the jumbled story and cut off Jayden. As the officer began to write a ticket, Jayden juggled his options, finally deciding to act jolly before jumping away and making his escape. Unfortunately for the jejune jaybird, the plan was jinxed from the start, as the jaded officer could see how jittery Jayden had become. Just as Jayden began to try to jilt the officer, he was jumped upon, jolting him and foiling his last resort of escape. Thus, the just arm of the judicial system passed judgement and jailed Jayden.

Needless to say, Principal Affeldt was justifiably joyless at the morose news, and had only a few words to say about the matter: “Jaywalking is a serious matter, and though many jest about it, you can get hurt from it both physically and legally.” According to Jayden, he has learned his lesson, his jaunty attitude and jeering about jaywalking are gone, and his juvenile behavior of lying is no more.

– Sager Smith

Categories: Satire

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